Real Dummies

This year
All years
Will the real dummy please stand up?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

With a little help from our friends. Police in Oakland, California spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside
his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"

What was plan B? A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for
all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so
he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until
police showed up and grabbed him.

Too well educated? In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA
blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many
business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this
may not have happened."

Did I say that? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

Ouch, that smarts. A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when
a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.
The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was
running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police
spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.

Are we are communicating? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is
pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted.
"This is her husband!"

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King
was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.
King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed
to keep his hand in his pocket.