Things To Think About

This year
All years
1. Before they invented drawing boards, where did they go back to?

2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. How do I set my laser printer on stun?

5. How is it possible to have a civil war?

6. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

7. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

8. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

9. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

10. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

11. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

12. If you are born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

13. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

15. Is a castrated pig, disgruntled?

16. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of asteroids?

17. Why is it called tourist season if you can't shoot them?

18. Why is the alphabet in that order? is it because of that song?

19. What happens when none of your bees wax?

20. Where are we going? And what's with that handbasket?

21. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why don't they make the rest of the plane out of that stuff?

22. Why is there an expiration on sour cream?

23. If car accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

24. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

25. Is the main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live?

26. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

27. If all the psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

28. Should crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

29. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

30. And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

And here are some more:

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their >headlights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Fun Thoughts - Submitted by J Smith

1. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. I doubt, therefore I might be.

4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

7. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

8. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

11. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

12. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

13. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?