Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a Plumbers truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge,
close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a radiator repair shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
In a non-smoking area:
"If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On maternity ward door:
"Push, Push, Push."
On a front door:
"Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a scientist's door:
On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
In a podiatrist's window:
"Time wounds all heels."
In a butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."
In another butcher's window:
"Pleased to meat you."
At a used-car lot:
"Second-hand cars in first-crash condition."
On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming ."
Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At a dry cleaner's:
"Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a music teacher's door:
At the electric company:
"We would be delighted if you would pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a beauty shop:
On the door of a computer store:
"Out for a quick byte."
In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
On the door of a music library:
"Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a counselor's office:
"Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."