Signs Across America

This year
All years
On a diner's billboard:
"Eat here or we'll both starve."

Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a Plumbers truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge,
close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a radiator repair shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

In a non-smoking area:
"If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On maternity ward door:
"Push, Push, Push."

On a front door:
"Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a scientist's door:
"Gone Fission."

On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a podiatrist's window:
"Time wounds all heels."

In a butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."

In another butcher's window:
"Pleased to meat you."

At a used-car lot:
"Second-hand cars in first-crash condition."

On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming ."

Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

At a dry cleaner's:
"Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On a music teacher's door:
"Out Chopin."

At the electric company:
"We would be delighted if you would pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a beauty shop:
"Dye now!"

On the door of a computer store:
"Out for a quick byte."

In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

On the door of a music library:
"Bach in a minuet."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselor's office:
"Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."