You Might be a Mormon ...

This year
All years
... If you've ever used the phrase "bless those who aren't here this time that they can be here next time."

... If you've ever used the above phrase while offering a prayer at a state prison, youth detention facility, or other place of confinement.

... If you have a favorite Osmond.

... If that Osmond is Jimmy.

... If you think "ignorant" means rude.

... If you think the word ignorant is pronounced "ignernt"

... If you think BYU's holiday bowl victory over SMU in 1980 is proof of the true church.

... If you still talk about the holiday bowl victory of 1980.

... If you refuse to accept the fact that the two BYU players on either end of that "miracle pass" were Catholic.

... Even though he was born and raised in Connecticut, you consider Steve Young a Utah native.

... If you couldn't raise your children in Utah, Connecticut would be your second choice.

... If you've ever used the words "fetch," "flip," "scrud," or "oh-my-heck."

... If you ever apologized for using such language.

... If you've ever used your temple recommend as a check protection card.

... If you hide your recommend in the back of your wallet when you shop on Sunday.

... If you believe Jell-O is one the basic food groups.

... If you've ever mixed Jell-O with any kind of meat.

... If you like Jell-O mixed with any kind of meat.

... If you have your order in for volume 25 of "The Work and The Glory"

... If you use the dust jacket from "The Work and The Glory" so you can read romance novel in public.

... If you've ever quoted "The Work and The Glory" in a talk or a lesson.

... If you were shocked to find out that the cast and crew of "Touched By An Angel" are not Mormon.

... If you can come up with at least 10 good excuses as to why Steve Young isn't married.

... If you believe any of those excuses.

... If you've ever passed a rumor about a major celebrity appearing on a major talk show wearing a CTR ring and announcing that he has joined the Mormon church. (Steve Martin in 1996, Harrison Ford in 1993, Jack Klugman in 1988, Woody Allen in 1982)

... If you've ever believed that rumor.

... If you still believe that rumor.

... If you're planning to read this list during Family Home Evening.

... If, while giving a presentation in a public place such as a board meeting, you have ever inadvertently ended with, "in the name of.."

... If you've ever ended your presentation with those words deliberately.

... If, during the NBA finals in 1997, you felt guilty when the TV announcer said that Larry Miller was not watching the game because of religious beliefs.

... If you shut the TV off.

... If you felt better when Larry Miller showed up after all.

... If all your children are named after Old Testament Prophets. Even your daughter Zerubbabel.

... If you ran out of Old Testament names before you ran out of children.

... If you were shocked to find out that the 24th of July was not a national holiday.

... If you refer to the days of '47 royalty as "The queen and her two counselors."

... If you have a testimony of the truthfulness of Amway.

... If at least one member of your extended family has a pseudo-French name such as LaVell, LaDell, or Bidet.

... If your mother-in-law was pregnant at your wedding.

... If at least one of your salad bowls is at your neighbor's house.

... If your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

... If, while teaching a lesson in Relief Society meeting, you've ever apologized for not preparing a center piece.

... If, while teaching a lesson in Priesthood meeting, you've ever apologized for not preparing a lesson.