Mothers' Advice


This year
All years
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, Midnight is past
your curfew."

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER
"I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing
under your bed?"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER
"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the
biggest smile you can give us?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER
"Humpty, if I've told you once I've told you a hundred times not to sit
on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo."

COLUMBUS' MOTHER
"I don't care what you've discovered, Columbus,You still could have
written."

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER
"Babe, how many times have I told you -- quit playing ball in the house!
That's the third broken window this week."

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER
"Mike, can't you paint on the walls like other children? Do you have any
idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER
"All right, Napoleon, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your
jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it."

CUSTER'S MOTHER
"Now George, remember what I told you -- don't go biting off more than
you can chew."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap
like other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting
to look a little purple."

MARY'S MOTHER
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would
like to know how he got a better grade than you?"

BATMAN'S MOTHER
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is
going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER
"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know
anything about this, Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER
"Well all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start
cleaning you room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER
"But Albert, it's your senior picture, Can't you do something about your
hair? Styling gel, mousse, something -- ?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can
kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S MOTHER
"That's a nice story, but now tell where you've really been for the last
three days."

SUPERMAN'S MOTHER
"Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can
have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in
all those phone booths?"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas,
now turn off that light and get to bed."